The Past

After 6 years then i finally know why he treat me like that...

Yesterday conference call with my bro's friends finally made me knew the truth about things that happened 6 years ago...
Jason Ng told me something that my godbrother did last time and they kept it as secret for along time.
After 6 years, just i really knew what had happened...
I totally heart broken last time...

What really happened is that he bought a rose on Valentine's Day but he never gave me the rose...
He kept it until now and I just knew it...OMG
He told me yesterday that it is still in a book
You know why he never gave me the rose???
Because his elder brother bought a rose and a present for me on Valentine's Day...and he decided not to give it to me...
I guess he wanted to give a chance to his brother to tackle me, but didn't he understand that I love him not his brother... I told you before...
By that time, you remember you told me that you love Yun Chee
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT???
YOU CAN'T FORCE A PERSON TO LOVE SOMEBODY THAT YOU DON'T LIKE RIGHT???
It's a stupid decision that you decided to ignore me in the first way... you treat me like I'm transparent....!!!!!
I don't know what I did wrong but you should had told me earlier...
That is the reason why I hate you so much until now...

But, I really appreciate your time that you teach me Chemistry and Addmaths as I missed the classes due to my attendance in Wilderness Camp in Pulau Langkawi for five days...
By the time I came back, I became so so quiet and I only talk when I'm at home...
That's quite a drastic change on me...
Maybe I'm tired that I need to study for the topics that I missed during the camp...
Thanks for your sweet time with me, I'll remember always...

I do remember to when you said you wanna score goal for me when I go to watch your soccer tournament...
Yea, you did that...
And I still remember that Jason was gossiping about me and you, saying that you score the goal just to show me that you are good...
And deep inside I knew that you are, and I'm proud of it...
But my mum was there and well others said the goal is for my mum.... hahahaha...
Well, I don't mind... I just happy that you tried your very best...

Yet, until now I still remember the accident that happen to you...
It really made me sad and I am so depressed...
That is why I took care of you...
So, your wounds will heal faster...
Well, I care for you so much...
The moments I saw your face after the accident, I couldn't said anything...
I guess you haven't had enough sleep at all as you need to help your mum to sell newspaper...early in the morning at 4am and ride your motorcycle back to your home...
And I guess you don't have enough sleep at all...

The eyes that I look into last time still in my sight and I still and yet can't forget it... It's hard for me to forget you...
You're the first person that I love so much but I knew we couldn't be together the moment my mum took you as her godson...
I am happy too as you became my godbrother, my mum love you so much...
And I couldn't do anything about it...
I kept my feeling as I'm happy to see you...
And I'm happy to have you as my brother too...
That's all that I could ask for...

But why did you change totally after you knowing that your brother wanted to tackle me...???
Why did you do that???
Did you know that you tear my heart into pieces?

But the moment that you choose to be together with Shueu Hwa, I finally realise that you totally changed...
The person that I knew last time totally changed into another person that I barely know...
Beat by beat, I tried to erase you from my memory...
Done a lot of things...
One of that is being a playgirl...
Playing with guys heart...
Changing from one after another...
And also drinking...
Just to forget about you...

I'm happy for Shueu Hwa, as she's my best friend together with Hui Ling...I didn't said anything about you...
I only told them that I can't forget a person...and they assume it was Sky He, as he was my boyfriend before this when I was in early Secondary 5...
That guy is a playboy too...I wouldn't have not forgotten about him... But I didn't said anything... I just keep silence

That is the time when I become quite a clubber, going out late at night, and I'm sure my parents are not happy with it...
Nobody knows it until now when I'm opened to tell it out in my blog...
I kept it secret for a long-long time...

I can't help that I avoiding you, hating you and not wanting to talk to you... but I guess that you wouldn't know about it...
It seems like you're a very playboy right now...
Keep changing your girlfriend...

I'm quite sad with what you had done last time towards my best friend, Shueu Hwa as you had broken her heart, leaving her alone and break up with her in harsh way that she nearly commit suicide just because of you...
Why did you do that???
How many girls that you had made their life being so miserable...???
When would you stop doing that???
Tell me.....
Women are not a play toy for you...
Treat them right...

I hope you'll change...

Leaving Celworld Communications Sdn. Bhd

Well...
I'm going to end my employment with Celworld Communications Sdn. Bhd. after I have been working part time with this company far approximately 8 months now...
I'm going to stop on the 1st of August 2008...

Well, I'm going to miss all my colleague especially Asz, a sweet girl...
She's kind, hardworking and loyal too...but sometimes quite emotional too...
Well, what can i said is she's tough and pretty lovely...
All guys will fall for her with only a look on her...lol
Cool right???lol...
I guess I would miss her the most... sob...
We share stuff together, all bad and also good... especially on Bella, the worst employee that our lady boss had... caught red-handed... steal stuff from Celworld (damn her, fuck)
LOL SORRY FOR THE VULGAR LANGUAGE.... :p
She's a good girl and i hope she'll be happy with her current bf, Shauki (sorry if i spell it wrongly) I guess that is his name (haha) sorry short term memory la...
Well, he soon going to be her husband, so you better treat her right ya... If not... haha, don't worry I'm not that violent... I won't harm u de... lol
So, Asz, hope that you will be happy forever coz u deserve it...
Take care of yourself...

The next person is Kak Shue...
OMG, I call her KAK??? well, so not me...hahaha
But I respect her coz she's elder than me...
Well, a good young awesome mummy for her kiddo...
She's quite new in Celworld but she done a good job... thumbs up!!!
Cool...
Thanks to both of you coz helping Celworld Landmark...
Thanks for ordering the stocks for me,
I'm sorry I always bugging you all...
Maybe you guys feels that I'm so MA FAN...lol
Sorry a, if you all feels that way...
Can't help it bcoz my bosses here keep bugging me too... haiz

And the last person is of course my Lady boss, Mrs. Maggie Foo
What should i said about her...??? well, good or bad???
Well, mostly she have good characteristic....
She's a good leader and she's educated coz she have MBA (cool), better than her husband of course although they have the same level of education... i mean their sense of leading a company
Coz he flirts around a lot... that is why??? lol...
I'm bad saying these kind of things about my big boss...
Lol, nevermind...
But I'm speaking the truth what... so, I didn't commit any sin here, right now...
Let's continue on my lady boss...
Well...
She's a bit not good in thinking about other peoples emotions...
Erm...how should i said it....???
Well, my colleague do complaint about her to me during work time...
I'm a good listener
What she did is when she's angry over something that is wrongly done...
She'll scold the person and keep scolding until that person cry...
They cry not because they get scolded by her but the way that she used to scold people is tooo harsh... digging out peoples' past and use it to scold them....
God, I pity them...
We work to get a spoon of rice but you need to respect us too...
We respect you as our lady boss, and you need to do the same too coz we are all humans...
HUMANS DO MAKE MISTAKE...
Mag, you really need to remember that...
But yet still we LOVE you coz you take care of us...
THANKS... LOVE YOU

Well, I sure miss you all so much...
Next time there will not be any disruption from the 9256 call...lol
Maybe next time after my graduation I could visit you all again...
I stopped coz i need to furthers my studies...
Take care guys...
Remember me as I would remember you all always...
Miss you all so much...

Yours truly,
-steph-

Thanks To You

Lonely got NO ONE to turn to

Well....
Few days ago I'm so so tired and i got so many problems...
Don't know what should I do but you're the one that I talked to..... Thank you friend...
Love you so so much for being there for me...
Without you.... I don't have anyone to talk to...
I've been so tension and so stressed out yesterday, and to you i turned on...
I feel relief and not that tension as i talked to you... Thanks again for being there for me again...
You're the bestest friend that I ever had...thanks Love ya always... Take care...
May God bless you always...

Tired and bored

Well, I feel like so fucked up with life these few days...
Sorry for the vulgar language but I don't know how to express these kind of feeling I had...
I don't know why but I really am so so so feeling that way...
Can anyone tell me why do I have these kind of feelings...???

I feels so tired and wanna give up too...
I lack of cheerfulness, and enjoyment...
These days that passed by seems nothing to me...
It's all the same...
There's no difference for me...
It seems so dull and I felt like my soul is wondering around somewhere else rather than in my body...
it's just my body around with me without my soul...
And it's just the same like the feeling of dying...
OMG.....
when would these feeling going to end...???

I just wanna finish my work sooner and go back to Malacca to meet my parents to hug them and say that I love them so much...
I wanna tell them that I really am so frustrated with life and I wanna give up...
But I can't do that as I know that I would hurt them so much as they really rely on me to study, get my degree and soon be a successful person...
I know every parents in the world wants their children to be successful and be a useful person...
They wouldn't ask more from their child...
It's enough if they(child) be a good person in life...
That is what parents is...
They work hard to raise us...
They bought every single thing that we bug them for...
They wouldn't said NO to us...
All they would said is
"Yea, mummy and daddy will try to get it for you...!!!"
They wouldn't said NO!!! even if they do not have the finance to buy that stuff we bug for...
For me, I love my parents so so much...
I'm sorry if I had hurt you, mum and dad...
For all the mistake that I had done...
Thanks for all the education that mum and dad gave to me...
Mum and dad, you educate me well and I wanna tell you that both of you done a really good job, in raising up myself, kor kor and also di di...
They done well now...
Kor Kor has a good job, di di is active in sports and done well academically...
Don't worry us much as we are all grown up and we can take care of ourselves...
All that you need to do is to have fun and travel around the world as you had done a long, difficult and adventurous task full with obstacles in raising up three of us...
I know it's a hard job as I know I'm hard to be controlled, but yet u still be patience...

MUMMY AND DADDY.....
I LOVE YOU BOTH SO SO SO MUCH.....

Hope you are blissful (part2)...continued...

Well, what i wrote in part one is more about his love and family life...

Guess what, lots of my readers said that it's a sad story...hahaha
They even ask me to write a book...crazy huh
Well, they even complimented me saying that I'm good in writing stories...

erm.... for myself i don't think that I'm a good writer... i wrote what i want, but mostly i got my inspiration from my emotions...haha
even, the person that i talks about, doesn't even dare to read the blog about himself...
he stopped halfway, he told me he's scared that he'll cry...hahaha
he gave the me the permission to write about him, but I'm scared the story that i wrote will make him feels bad about himself and also reminded him about his past...
I just want the best for him and I really wanted him to change for the best...

I don't want him to mix with the bad company and became the person that he is in the past...

Well, he found his godfather and also his godbrother already...
so i'm a bit worried...

I just want him 2 changed to be a person that is more socialise, friendlier, and less bad temper...
but can he change?can he???
I know it's difficult but it occurs to me before...
I managed to change too, and i'm sure that he can...
he's even tougher than me, that is why i believe he can do it...
please change for your own good...

All the best...
Take Care...

Hope he's blissful

Feels a bit relief as he talks about religious stuff to me yesterday.
He talks about Christianity to me...
Saying all the soothing and relaxingly stuff to me...
I don't mind as I knew people have their own belief as I have my own and i respect that...
I just hope the best for him...
I guess he really is changing...
Hope he have a blissful life...
With God by his side, im sure 'He' will guide him to the right path in life...
I hope he is calm and not temperamental in doing things...
Good luck to you...
I hope you wouldn't think that you are still lonely as you have us (family) here for you...
Remember that we will always support u wherever and whenever you are...

Love You Always,
FAMILY